Mind if I Laugh? Humor When Tragedy Strikes

Following the events of September 11, 2001 and the terrorism that ensued, I’ve continued traveling around the country, addressing groups about the healing power of humor and laughter.  I heard a variety of comments:“I really want to laugh, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.”“I can’t bear to watch another news report—it’s sucking the life right out of me.”“I feel like laughing, but I’m afraid other people will think I’m being inappropriate.

Is it really okay to laugh yet?” Abraham Lincoln may have said it best: “With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.”

Now more than ever, we, as individuals and as a country, need the healing power of humor and laughter to deal with the tragedies we experience.  Accompanying the levels of higher anxiety and stress are people suffering from a myriad of stress related illnesses and conditions: Headaches, stomachaches, general malaise, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, muscle aches, difficulty concentrating, depression, and the list goes on.

Humor relieves anxiety and tension, serves as outlet for hostility and anger, and provides a healthy escape from reality.  It lightens heaviness related to critical illness, trauma, disfigurement, and death.  It comes as no surprise that many people are utilizing humor to deal with the trying times.  But is the humor timely?  Is it appropriate?

“When tragedy and death cloud our lives, they darken our humor as well.”  (Karyn Buxman, This Won’t Hurt A Bit)

The truth is that we all experience tragedy on a variety of levels.  For some of us, it may be on a personal level.  At times, it may be on a community level.  And periodically we experience tragedy on a national or even global level. None of us will escape experiencing personal tragedy: Illness, accident, loss of job, divorce, or death in the family.  These painful ordeals can sometimes evoke humor that allows us to ventilate our frustrations about such unfair events in life.

Communities experience tragedies such as floods, earthquakes, fire, natural disasters, man made disasters (the coal mining tragedy in Utah), loss of industry or politicians caught in compromising situations.

Unfortunately we will witness events that have national ramifications, such as the Shuttle Challenger explosion, and even global ramifications, such as the loss of the World Trade Center in New York. With the technological advances in mass media, events that might once have been a local tragedies now impact people near and far:  At times, the humor demonstrated after the larger catastrophic  events was a ‘hoping humor’, a “let’s hang in there together and we’ll get through this together” kind of humor.  The focus of the humor was more situational and unrelated to the tragedy; the humor was used as a relief mechanism from feelings of sadness and feeling overwhelmed.  One survivor of the Oklahoma City Bombing commented, “I laugh because I’m cried out.”

The challenge: What is stress relieving for some is stress producing for others.  While some find gallows humor to be a positive means of dealing with their stress, others find these expressions of humor to be salt rubbed into an already irritated wound.  What’s appropriate? What’s not?  There is no clear-cut answer.  Gallows humor can be a positive means of coping with anxiety, but it helps if certain guidelines are followed:

Establish a bond: Gallows humor is less offensive when there is a bond between the initiator and receiver of the humor.  Often this is a type of ‘inside humor’ that is utilized within certain the boundaries of a certain group of people. There is an almost unspoken agreement: “I’ll not be offended by your sick humor if you agree not to be offended by mine.”

Be aware of the environment: The trick is to keep the humor within the confines of said group.  Once the dark humor escapes the confines of the group, it then may become hurtful.  Anyone who hears, sees or experiences the humor is part of the audience, whether you intended them to be or not.  Think twice before hitting the ‘forward’ key on an e-mail or blurting out a joke you just heard.  Will it be hurtful if unintended audience members intercept?

Be sensitive to the timing:  H. G. Wells once said, “The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.”  Generally it takes time for people to see any humor derived from pain or discomfort.  Some people never will.

Every person’s situation is unique and determined by their own set of circumstances and life experiences. Despite its multiple benefits, humor is always risky business. Try as you may to be politically correct, there will almost always be someone waiting in the wings to be offended.  The humor or laughter provides an excuse for him to ventilate about an unspoken and deeper issue.  That being said, if you choose to use humor to cope with difficult times and are mindful of the feelings of others then, more than likely, most folks won’t mind if you laugh.  Indeed, they may welcome the respite.