Anxiety or Excitement?

Answer: Pink slip… Bonus….

Question: What’s the difference between anxiety and excitement?

Seriously, though, what is the difference between being anxious and excited?

When you think about it, the two are closely related, but they differ by a degree of perspective. What is your mindset? Are you envisioning the situation you’re thinking about coming out with a positive outcome or with a negative outcome?

We know from studies that a little stress, sometimes known as eustress, can be a good thing. A little stress causes us to be alert, to be ready, to have our “game on.” To have absolutely no stress results in you being the equivalent of a puddle of protoplasm on the floor—no energy, no movement, static—not dynamic. No matter how tempting it may sound, it’s not really good to have no stress in your life!

Too much stress, however, clouds our thinking, muddles our memory, causes us to make dumb mistakes—not to mention, it just feels bad. Who can’t relate to tight shoulders, headaches, fatigue, mood swings, queasiness, and (I think I’ll stop—this is stressing me out just thinking about the symptoms!)

So how does one go about changing anxiety to excitement? I always recommend breathing for starters. You laugh, but I’m serious. So often, when we become anxious, our breath becomes shallow and more rapid—but not more effective. Stop and take a few deep breaths. (One of my audience participants told me she had a sign on her computer that read: Breathe, my dear!). If you really want to get some extra bang for your buck, laugh—out loud—from your belly. And, nope, it doesn’t even have to be a real laugh.  Sometimes, it’s okay to fake it.

Now take a look at how you’re framing the situation. Are you already certain that there’s going to be a negative outcome? Stop. Consciously focus on the potential positive outcomes of the situation. Come on, there’s got to be something good that will come out of the situation. Put on your exaggeration hat and be silly if need be—but find that positive outcome.

Let’s say, for example, you’re getting ready to take a test. You may be experiencing anxiety because you’re afraid you’re going to fail.  Stop. Focus on the likelihood that you’re going to pass with flying colors. And if you need to, become playful with your thinking. It doesn’t have to be rolling-on-the-floor-funny. Visualize the instructor with her shoes on the wrong feet, or with something stuck between her teeth, or whatever it takes to move you from a clenched-fist-posture to one of an inner smile.

Simply by taking some proactive steps to decrease your anxiety and increase your energy, you’ve already increased the likelihood that the outcome is gonna be great. And that’s no joke!

Tap Those Creative Juices!

“I’m brain dead,” my pal, Sheila, moaned over her coffee at our break. “I wouldn’t recognize a fresh idea if it jumped in my face and wiggled. I’m just not creative. Am I too left-brained? Where do you get all your ideas?”

What is creativity? Like humor, it’s a mindset, a process, a way of looking at things. Researchers once believed that creativity was found primarily in the right hemisphere of the brain; they believed “right-brained” people were more creative. Now researchers speculate that creativity involves both hemispheres, that it’s a combination of both analytic and intuitive thought.

Are you a creative person? Why is it that as children we’re able to tap into our natural creative abilities only to be stymied later as adults? Perhaps it’s because we’re taught early on to be logical, to look for the one right answer, and to be serious.

As we grow older, our creative tendencies are squelched.  I believe we can re-learn creativity and get back in touch with our natural abilities. Here are 5 tips to help you get back in touch with the wealth of imaginative, inventive and artistic ideas inside of you.

1) Break habits. Have you ever found yourself or your coworkers doing things only because “that’s the way it’s always been done”? We perform many of our daily tasks without even thinking about them. While this can be helpful at times, it can also be a means of blocking creative thought. Break your routines. Roger von Oech, expert on creative thinking, terms this giving yourself “a whack on the side of the head.” Try sleeping on the opposite side of the bed. Take the scenic route home. Try a new seating arrangement at the dinner table. Listen to a style of music that’s not familiar to you (Country? Opera? Rap?).  Eat dessert first.  These simple jolts in your routine can lead you to new ideas.

2) Ask why. Children are naturally curious. Anyone who has even been around toddlers knows their list of “whys” goes on and on. “Why do dogs bark?”  “Why is the sky blue?”  “Why do I have freckles?” To answer any question only leads to another question. Yet adults are quick to respond with the right answer.  Period. End of discussion. Try being open minded. Instead of assuming the right or most logical answer, ask why. See what new thoughts this provokes.

3) Look for unlikely connections. It’s customary for us to think in terms of logical connections. But to break out of this line of reasoning, think of “what if.” What if men could become pregnant? What if clothing was edible? What if cars could be fueled with food? Items that we take for granted were once someone else’s “what if”: What if stairs could move (escalators); what if you could combine phones with copy machines (faxes); what if you could cook food without heat (microwaves). One beer company aired a tremendously successful ad campaign by combining unlikely objects and events, such as sumo wrestling with high diving or cows on surfboards. Ridiculous? Exactly! And these commercials made their product memorable to their viewers.

4) Take risks. Many folks are afraid of coming up with creative or unusual ideas because they don’t want to look foolish. Others have been rewarded for years for coming up with the “right answer” and fear coming up with the “wrong answer.” Samuel Smiles once said, “He who never made a mistake never made a discovery.” Creative persons are willing to risk appearing foolish or silly. It takes a strong self-esteem to risk being different or to risk failure. Believe in yourself and be a risk taker. And reward your children or coworkers for taking a leap of faith with an imaginative idea.

5) Take time to play. Like creativity, humor is a mindset, a perspective, a way of looking at things. Children are naturally creative. One reason is that they are playful with their ideas. The Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, “As soon as you have made a thought, laugh at it.” Try putting your next problem-solving meeting in a JEOPARDY format. Begin a budget meeting with a joke or funny story from each participant. Hold a theme day where everyone wears a goofy hat. No one thinks twice about scheduling time for work, but many consider play frivolous. And yet, a light and playful attitude stimulates creative thought that can actually increase productivity.

I can’t think of a single occupation that couldn’t benefit from some creative thoughts and fresh ideas.  Businesses move ahead by innovation. The ability to be creative and innovative lies within you. Take that first step now and experience the benefits of humor and creativity today.

Life in the Fast(food) Lane

A wise person once said, “Wherever you are, be there.”

Have you ever found yourself collapsing into bed at the end of an exhausting day wondering, “What did I do all day?”  Think about it for a second…  How many ‘hats’ do you wear in a 24-hour period?  For instance there’s the parent or grandparent hat, spouse hat, the hats of chauffeur, parishioner, volunteer, friend… just to name of few.  For some of you, the list may go on and on.  Think I’m exaggerating?  Perhaps your day goes more like this:

Waking up from a peaceful sleep, you begin the day sipping a piping hot cup of coffee in bed while scanning the morning newspaper.  Then you follow a tantalizing aroma to the kitchen where your significant other has prepared and serves a delicious but low-fat breakfast that you consume at your leisure.  Next, you slip on your sharpest outfit, stroll to your luxury car and breathe in the smell of fresh interior.  Noting your teenager left you with a full gas tank, you ease out of your driveway, cruise to work, and relax to your favorite music.

Seated at your immaculate desk, you dive into your work.  Then, after a productive morning, you take a well-deserved lunch ‘hour’ with a few favorite colleagues.  Returning to work, the company president pats you on the back, gives you a knowing wink, and says something about the bonus coming up in your next paycheck.

Once home, your family rushes to greet you, asking, “How was your day?”  You pick up the newspaper, settle into your overstuffed chair, kick off your shoes, and channel surf to your favorite television station, while the family prepares your favorite dinner.  After a mouth watering meal, you retreat to your spot in the den and enjoy three hours of television while the family cleans up the kitchen, straightens the house, completes homework, and puts laundry away. You complete your busy day with a leisurely hot bath, surrounded by scented candles while you sip a glass of wine in complete silence.  Feeling refreshed and energized, you slip into the bedroom for an hour of passion and romance, then after a restful night’s sleep, you leap from bed and enthusiastically greet another day.

Yeah, right… As for me, the average American*, reality looks more like this:

I toss and turn throughout the night, struggling to organize tomorrow’s schedule. After fumbling with the snooze alarm twice (the average American spends 24 years sleeping), I shuffle to the bathroom mirror, bleary eyed and grateful that America does not see me like this.  I then stumble to the kitchen where I microwave the remains of yesterday’s coffee (the average American spends $35 on sleeping pills and $3,342 on coffee). Kids scramble around sticking papers in my face that need to be signed… what’s this note from the teacher thanking me for packaging candy this afternoon?  The chaos continues as the family trips over one another in and out of the bathroom (the average American spends 7 years in the bathroom) and into the kitchen where they grab granola bars and cold cereal.  Snippets of conversation go something like this:
“Do I have any clean underwear?”
“No.  Just turn yours inside out.  It’ll last another day.”

“Can you iron this shirt for me?”
“No, we retired the iron years ago.  Throw it in the dryer on fluff.  If that doesn’t work, you’ll have to throw it in the wash and start over.”

“My t-shirt’s inside out.”
“That’s the way I found it in the laundry basket.  You have 2 choices: Start turning your clothes inside out before passing them on to me; or wear them inside out– then the next time you pull them off, they’ll be right side out again!”

After kissing everyone and scooting them out the door, I throw on an outfit and scramble for 2 matching shoes (the average American spends 1 year and 6 months getting dressed).  I look in the mirror, then the clock, and decide to settle for a bad hair day.  I race to the car and breathe in the essence of cold fries, spilled milk shakes, and an obscure dirty sock.  A quick check of the gas gauge confirms my fears.  Maybe if I coast down hill, I can make it to the nearest gas station.  Realizing breakfast is a figment of my imagination, I fly through the fast food lane, juggle a cup of scalding hot coffee between my knees (the average American drinks 56,044 cups of coffee), and stop at the first intersection where I finally apply my lipstick (the average American spends 4 years traveling in the car; of that time 6 months is waiting for the light to turn green). Thank God for traffic lights or I’d never finish putting on my makeup!

At my desk, I struggle to find where yesterday’s paperwork ends and today’s begins. The computer beeps constantly with reminders of tasks unfinished and projects yet to do.  I stay at my desk through lunch, savoring my healthy meal of stale leftover Halloween candy (the average American eats 1,483 lbs of candy, including 801 pounds of chocolate, 240 Hershey kisses and 11,113 M&Ms) and wash it down with a soda that has no calories, no caffeine, no sodium, and no taste.  Dashing to the restroom, I spy a memo from the boss tacked to the bulletin board, displaying a nebulous message about possible restructuring and right-sizing.  Great…

At the end of the workday, it’s time for the ‘second shift’ (i.e., duties performed after work, women usually putting in approximately 31 hours per week, about twice as many as their male counterparts**).  With my mom/chauffeur hat in place I begin the after-school shuffle: football/baseball/weight lifting practice, karate lessons, and religion classes, etc. (the average American makes 42, 481 automobile trips).  Finally back home, I attempt to serve a meal that doesn’t come in a bag or a box (the average American eats out at restaurants 14,411 times including 1,811 trips to McDonald’s).   While nibbling on an Oreo (the average American eats 35,138 cookies; of those, 10,532 are sandwich style), I snag various leftovers from the refrigerator, whisk them together, dump the contents into a greased pan and crumble onion rings over the top.  Voila! A casserole that defies all logic (move over, Julia Child).

I prepare to sit down to eat with the family (the average American spends 17,307 hours eating meals at home) only to find everyone else wolfed down their meal and they’re already headed for homework and channel surfing (the average American, while watching TV, changes the channel 325,393 times).  Three hours later, after finishing dishes (the average American spends 16,961 hours preparing meals and cleaning up), laundry, and helping with homework, I discover it’s already time for bed.  There’s a vain attempt for a quick hot bath when I hear a quiet tapping on the door.  “Mom, I forgot, I’m supposed to bring 27 cupcakes in the morning to school ‘cause I’m the student of the week this week… okay?”

Easing out of the tub, I throw on my favorite flannel pajamas (the average American man has 166,148 sexual fantasies; the average American woman has 83,074 sexual fantasies), kiss everyone goodnight, and head back to the kitchen.

What did I do today? In its proper perspective, it was the best day yet, with many magic moments. However, with so many places to go, people to meet, and tasks to coordinate, it’s easy to lose touch with the miracle of now, to get sucked into life’s fast lane and miss the scenery along the way.  I don’t know how many hours the average American spends replaying mistakes from the past (I should’ve said… If only…), or how many hours the average American wastes worrying about what might go wrong tomorrow… or the next day.  But I do know that if I take a mindful step outside the fast lane and take a moment to be still, I become aware of all the gifts that surround me.  Life is an amazing journey. Live each day amazed and amused and take time to enjoy the trip.

Sources: * In An Average Lifetime, by Tom Heymann; ** ABC’s PrimeTime

Stress Busters

There’s no one coping mechanism that will work for every stressful occasions. People need a variety of skills to stay healthy. These could include deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and meditation just to name a few.  But the benefits of humor and laughter are so plentiful, so convenient, and so cost-effective that people would be foolish to leave these awesome coping tools out of their coping toolbox. 

Here are a few quick stress busters. Try one the next time your energy level drops and your attitude is sagging:
 
Call your own answering machine or voice mail to leave a humorous message that you can enjoy later. Bonus—you get to laugh twice: Once when you leave the message and again when you play it back.  (For example: “Just calling to remind you to be careful when you go by the post office to pick up stamps and be sure to wear clean underwear because you never know when you might be in an accident!”)

Keep a file folder at your desk with clippings, cartoons, and e-mails you find entertaining. Pull it out and refer to it when you’re put on hold or when you feel those shoulders tightening.
 
Keep a book of word games, crossword puzzles, or cards at your desk. Re-spark your creativity and energy by taking a daily 10-minute ‘play break’ and you’ll recognize how important it is not to wait until you feel better to play. Play and then you’ll feel better.
 
Got a problem that’s bugging you?  Practice playing with your pain by asking yourself “how could this be worse?” Exaggerate the situation until you can make it absurd enough to put things in their proper perspective.
 
Smiles and laughs can diminish muscle tension. They’re also contagious. Practice wearing a smile to share with others and notice how their responses make you feel better, too.
 
Gain maximum benefits by proactively seeking humor every day.

Humor Appreciation: Taking It to The Next Level

I sipped my coffee and listened to my friend vent about her company’s merger. “I was so stressed out about the new changes being implemented at work,” Susan explained while rolling her eyes. “Then someone said something silly and I just lost it.  I laughed and laughed until I was limp as a dishrag.  Nothing had changed, but I just felt better for having laughed!”

It’s becoming accepted knowledge that positive benefits can be acquired from appreciating humor and laughter. Psychologist Michele Newman supported previous studies that found humor has a buffering effect and reduces the negative effects of stress. This study extended previous findings by demonstrating that humor is beneficial even for people who do not typically choose to use it to cope with stress. This finding was consistent with the belief that the ability to use humor to cope can be acquired rather than being a fixed, unchangeable trait.”

“Humor appreciation involves responding to humor produced by others or being a good audience,” reports Newman. “On the other hand, humor production involves thinking of things on your own to amuse yourself or others.” When using humor as a coping mechanism, one cannot always count on being able to find an external reason to be amused.  “Of the two, humor production is the more portable skill,” says Newman and adds, “From the standpoint of coping, it seems to me to be less important whether you can amuse other people than whether you can amuse yourself.”

Through my years of studying humor and laughter, I’ve observed three basic levels of humor appreciation:

Passive humor appreciation: At this most basic level, we appreciate humor that happens vicariously: A coworker says something funny, we observe a child’s comical action or expression, or we experience some absurdity that happens by chance. With this most basic level of humor we enjoy many of the functions of humor and the basic physical benefits, although the humor may occur infrequently and is purely unintentional.

Active humor appreciation: At this level, our awareness level is raised and we intentionally seek humor opportunities. We make it a point to read the daily comics, we ask others to share a joke or story, we become aware of humor we might have otherwise missed if we had made the assumption: Nothing funny happens here. We incur benefits more frequently, although not necessarily on a regular basis.

Proactive humor creation: At this advanced level, conscious effort is involved.  We attempt to create humor opportunities. We schedule time for play and entertainment in our daily schedules. We purposely create situations to amuse others or ourselves. We establish goals to utilize humor on a regular basis and attempt to make humor a habit. We enjoy the positive functions and benefits of humor on a regular basis.
While we may gain benefits from humor and laughter when enjoying it passively, there are even more advantages in being active participants by producing a humorous state of mind for ourselves. By incorporating a ‘humor habit’, we gain maximum profit from the wide and wonderful range of benefits at our disposal. Why not get the most bang for your yuck? Make humor a habit!

Humor: The Heart of the Matter

Scientists continue to support what we’ve known to be true since Biblical times: “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.”  Studies in psychoneuroimmunology (PNI) have demonstrated that humor, laughter and positive emotions have a positive effect on the immune system, the respiratory system and now evidence shows a link between a healthy heart and a sense of humor.

A team of Maryland medical researchers found in a study of 300 people (half of whom had histories of heart problems) that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh in humorous situations than those with healthy hearts.  “The old saying that laughter is the best medicine definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart,” said Michael Miller, director of the Center for Preventative Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center.

The people with heart disease were much less likely to even recognize humor. They also laughed less, even in positive situations, and generally displayed more anger and hostility than people with healthy hearts.  The question remains: Does humor help prevent heart problems or do people with heart problems tend to lose their senses of humor?  “The ability to laugh — either naturally or as learned behavior — may have important implications in societies such as the U.S., where heart disease remains the No. 1 killer,” Miller said.

Mind if I Laugh? Humor When Tragedy Strikes

Following the events of September 11, 2001 and the terrorism that ensued, I’ve continued traveling around the country, addressing groups about the healing power of humor and laughter.  I heard a variety of comments:“I really want to laugh, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.”“I can’t bear to watch another news report—it’s sucking the life right out of me.”“I feel like laughing, but I’m afraid other people will think I’m being inappropriate.

Is it really okay to laugh yet?” Abraham Lincoln may have said it best: “With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.”

Now more than ever, we, as individuals and as a country, need the healing power of humor and laughter to deal with the tragedies we experience.  Accompanying the levels of higher anxiety and stress are people suffering from a myriad of stress related illnesses and conditions: Headaches, stomachaches, general malaise, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, muscle aches, difficulty concentrating, depression, and the list goes on.

Humor relieves anxiety and tension, serves as outlet for hostility and anger, and provides a healthy escape from reality.  It lightens heaviness related to critical illness, trauma, disfigurement, and death.  It comes as no surprise that many people are utilizing humor to deal with the trying times.  But is the humor timely?  Is it appropriate?

“When tragedy and death cloud our lives, they darken our humor as well.”  (Karyn Buxman, This Won’t Hurt A Bit)

The truth is that we all experience tragedy on a variety of levels.  For some of us, it may be on a personal level.  At times, it may be on a community level.  And periodically we experience tragedy on a national or even global level. None of us will escape experiencing personal tragedy: Illness, accident, loss of job, divorce, or death in the family.  These painful ordeals can sometimes evoke humor that allows us to ventilate our frustrations about such unfair events in life.

Communities experience tragedies such as floods, earthquakes, fire, natural disasters, man made disasters (the coal mining tragedy in Utah), loss of industry or politicians caught in compromising situations.

Unfortunately we will witness events that have national ramifications, such as the Shuttle Challenger explosion, and even global ramifications, such as the loss of the World Trade Center in New York. With the technological advances in mass media, events that might once have been a local tragedies now impact people near and far:  At times, the humor demonstrated after the larger catastrophic  events was a ‘hoping humor’, a “let’s hang in there together and we’ll get through this together” kind of humor.  The focus of the humor was more situational and unrelated to the tragedy; the humor was used as a relief mechanism from feelings of sadness and feeling overwhelmed.  One survivor of the Oklahoma City Bombing commented, “I laugh because I’m cried out.”

The challenge: What is stress relieving for some is stress producing for others.  While some find gallows humor to be a positive means of dealing with their stress, others find these expressions of humor to be salt rubbed into an already irritated wound.  What’s appropriate? What’s not?  There is no clear-cut answer.  Gallows humor can be a positive means of coping with anxiety, but it helps if certain guidelines are followed:

Establish a bond: Gallows humor is less offensive when there is a bond between the initiator and receiver of the humor.  Often this is a type of ‘inside humor’ that is utilized within certain the boundaries of a certain group of people. There is an almost unspoken agreement: “I’ll not be offended by your sick humor if you agree not to be offended by mine.”

Be aware of the environment: The trick is to keep the humor within the confines of said group.  Once the dark humor escapes the confines of the group, it then may become hurtful.  Anyone who hears, sees or experiences the humor is part of the audience, whether you intended them to be or not.  Think twice before hitting the ‘forward’ key on an e-mail or blurting out a joke you just heard.  Will it be hurtful if unintended audience members intercept?

Be sensitive to the timing:  H. G. Wells once said, “The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.”  Generally it takes time for people to see any humor derived from pain or discomfort.  Some people never will.

Every person’s situation is unique and determined by their own set of circumstances and life experiences. Despite its multiple benefits, humor is always risky business. Try as you may to be politically correct, there will almost always be someone waiting in the wings to be offended.  The humor or laughter provides an excuse for him to ventilate about an unspoken and deeper issue.  That being said, if you choose to use humor to cope with difficult times and are mindful of the feelings of others then, more than likely, most folks won’t mind if you laugh.  Indeed, they may welcome the respite.