The Legacy of Laughter: Creating Bonds that Last

In the New York Times today, Ellen Lupton has a column on how to lose a legacy.  Lupton examines our relationship with physical things: how keeping a set of dishes within a family for generations provokes feelings on continuity and connectedness – or, loosely paraphrased, how her non-hunting husband wound up with a doe’s head hanging proudly in their suburban living room.

These items can be wonderful, meaningful additions to our lives, Lupton asserts—but they can also be a burden. Storing, moving, and caring for the souvenirs of days gone by can be a challenge – as anyone who has ever tried to decorate for the holidays and move cross country in the same year can tell you!

Even if you want to retain every memento, from your children’s macaroni masterpiece through the dessert menu from the last time you went to Olive Garden, there’s always a risk of loss.  Natural disasters, housekeeping concerns, and plain old entropy are conspiring against you – not to mention lack of storage space!

Laughter is a Legacy that Endures

The same can’t be said for every legacy.  If we shift the conversation from the tangible to the experiential, we begin to see the real value in the connections we have with others.  Our relationships can be examined in the light of time spent together, milestones, moments and memories taking the place of treasured coffee mugs or Mother’s favorite garden hat. When we look at how those connections are forged, given light and strength and meaning, often what we find is laughter.

There’s a reason for that. Often, we consider laughter as a very individual event – something that gives us joy, something that makes us happy.  Yet leading biological researchers have come forward with the theory that laughter plays a pivotal role in ensuring humanity’s survival.  Laughter triggers positive feelings in other people, dissipating tension and strengthens bonds. When people are in high stress situations – primitive humans trying to survive in a hostile world or a team of colleagues trying to complete a project on time and budget – this dissolution of tension can ensure that groups stay on task, objectives are met, and goals realized.  At a minimum, frustration and hostility can be alleviated – you’re less likely to harbor ill will toward the person who can make you laugh.

Building A Legacy of Laughter

If we want a way to connect ourselves with others, whether they’re members of the previous generation or the next one, it’s essential to shift the focus away from physical, tangible objects and onto experiences.  Spending time with others, in person or via virtual connection, is the foundation of memory. Those positive emotional experiences we have – laughing together, sharing a silly moment, even those embarrassing moments that need a few month’s worth of perspective to provoke a chuckle – serve as a common ground where we’re connected to each other.  These moments have an additional value: they can be shared with a third party, recreating and expanding the joy to include even more people, strengthening and reinforcing bonds.  That’s the legacy of laughter: the stories that connect us and give us a collective identity.

Anxiety or Excitement?

Answer: Pink slip… Bonus….

Question: What’s the difference between anxiety and excitement?

Seriously, though, what is the difference between being anxious and excited?

When you think about it, the two are closely related, but they differ by a degree of perspective. What is your mindset? Are you envisioning the situation you’re thinking about coming out with a positive outcome or with a negative outcome?

We know from studies that a little stress, sometimes known as eustress, can be a good thing. A little stress causes us to be alert, to be ready, to have our “game on.” To have absolutely no stress results in you being the equivalent of a puddle of protoplasm on the floor—no energy, no movement, static—not dynamic. No matter how tempting it may sound, it’s not really good to have no stress in your life!

Too much stress, however, clouds our thinking, muddles our memory, causes us to make dumb mistakes—not to mention, it just feels bad. Who can’t relate to tight shoulders, headaches, fatigue, mood swings, queasiness, and (I think I’ll stop—this is stressing me out just thinking about the symptoms!)

So how does one go about changing anxiety to excitement? I always recommend breathing for starters. You laugh, but I’m serious. So often, when we become anxious, our breath becomes shallow and more rapid—but not more effective. Stop and take a few deep breaths. (One of my audience participants told me she had a sign on her computer that read: Breathe, my dear!). If you really want to get some extra bang for your buck, laugh—out loud—from your belly. And, nope, it doesn’t even have to be a real laugh.  Sometimes, it’s okay to fake it.

Now take a look at how you’re framing the situation. Are you already certain that there’s going to be a negative outcome? Stop. Consciously focus on the potential positive outcomes of the situation. Come on, there’s got to be something good that will come out of the situation. Put on your exaggeration hat and be silly if need be—but find that positive outcome.

Let’s say, for example, you’re getting ready to take a test. You may be experiencing anxiety because you’re afraid you’re going to fail.  Stop. Focus on the likelihood that you’re going to pass with flying colors. And if you need to, become playful with your thinking. It doesn’t have to be rolling-on-the-floor-funny. Visualize the instructor with her shoes on the wrong feet, or with something stuck between her teeth, or whatever it takes to move you from a clenched-fist-posture to one of an inner smile.

Simply by taking some proactive steps to decrease your anxiety and increase your energy, you’ve already increased the likelihood that the outcome is gonna be great. And that’s no joke!

Tap Those Creative Juices!

“I’m brain dead,” my pal, Sheila, moaned over her coffee at our break. “I wouldn’t recognize a fresh idea if it jumped in my face and wiggled. I’m just not creative. Am I too left-brained? Where do you get all your ideas?”

What is creativity? Like humor, it’s a mindset, a process, a way of looking at things. Researchers once believed that creativity was found primarily in the right hemisphere of the brain; they believed “right-brained” people were more creative. Now researchers speculate that creativity involves both hemispheres, that it’s a combination of both analytic and intuitive thought.

Are you a creative person? Why is it that as children we’re able to tap into our natural creative abilities only to be stymied later as adults? Perhaps it’s because we’re taught early on to be logical, to look for the one right answer, and to be serious.

As we grow older, our creative tendencies are squelched.  I believe we can re-learn creativity and get back in touch with our natural abilities. Here are 5 tips to help you get back in touch with the wealth of imaginative, inventive and artistic ideas inside of you.

1) Break habits. Have you ever found yourself or your coworkers doing things only because “that’s the way it’s always been done”? We perform many of our daily tasks without even thinking about them. While this can be helpful at times, it can also be a means of blocking creative thought. Break your routines. Roger von Oech, expert on creative thinking, terms this giving yourself “a whack on the side of the head.” Try sleeping on the opposite side of the bed. Take the scenic route home. Try a new seating arrangement at the dinner table. Listen to a style of music that’s not familiar to you (Country? Opera? Rap?).  Eat dessert first.  These simple jolts in your routine can lead you to new ideas.

2) Ask why. Children are naturally curious. Anyone who has even been around toddlers knows their list of “whys” goes on and on. “Why do dogs bark?”  “Why is the sky blue?”  “Why do I have freckles?” To answer any question only leads to another question. Yet adults are quick to respond with the right answer.  Period. End of discussion. Try being open minded. Instead of assuming the right or most logical answer, ask why. See what new thoughts this provokes.

3) Look for unlikely connections. It’s customary for us to think in terms of logical connections. But to break out of this line of reasoning, think of “what if.” What if men could become pregnant? What if clothing was edible? What if cars could be fueled with food? Items that we take for granted were once someone else’s “what if”: What if stairs could move (escalators); what if you could combine phones with copy machines (faxes); what if you could cook food without heat (microwaves). One beer company aired a tremendously successful ad campaign by combining unlikely objects and events, such as sumo wrestling with high diving or cows on surfboards. Ridiculous? Exactly! And these commercials made their product memorable to their viewers.

4) Take risks. Many folks are afraid of coming up with creative or unusual ideas because they don’t want to look foolish. Others have been rewarded for years for coming up with the “right answer” and fear coming up with the “wrong answer.” Samuel Smiles once said, “He who never made a mistake never made a discovery.” Creative persons are willing to risk appearing foolish or silly. It takes a strong self-esteem to risk being different or to risk failure. Believe in yourself and be a risk taker. And reward your children or coworkers for taking a leap of faith with an imaginative idea.

5) Take time to play. Like creativity, humor is a mindset, a perspective, a way of looking at things. Children are naturally creative. One reason is that they are playful with their ideas. The Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, “As soon as you have made a thought, laugh at it.” Try putting your next problem-solving meeting in a JEOPARDY format. Begin a budget meeting with a joke or funny story from each participant. Hold a theme day where everyone wears a goofy hat. No one thinks twice about scheduling time for work, but many consider play frivolous. And yet, a light and playful attitude stimulates creative thought that can actually increase productivity.

I can’t think of a single occupation that couldn’t benefit from some creative thoughts and fresh ideas.  Businesses move ahead by innovation. The ability to be creative and innovative lies within you. Take that first step now and experience the benefits of humor and creativity today.

Press Release: 10 Tips for Finding Humor in Turbulent Times

I, along with members of The Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, put together a list of fun-filled ideas to help you rise above the current economic turmoil.

It is my gift to you.  Happy Holidays!
10 Tips for Finding Humor in Turbulent Times                                                   

The economy is on its wildest ride in decades.  The line waiting for a government bail-out is almost as long as the line waiting to check-out in stores this holiday shopping season.  And, you’re simply at wits end in trying to deal with it all!

Fear not – there’s humor to be found amidst all of this chaos and confusion.  So says Karyn Buxman, Publisher of The Journal of Nursing Jocularity, from San Diego and incoming president of AATH – the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor.  The mission of this growing, international community of professionals, founded in 1987, is to study, practice and promote healthy humor and laughter.

“The great thing about humor is it’s FREE and available to everyone,” says Buxman.  “It’s sugar-free, fat-free, salt-free, and tax-free!  It’s available 24-7 and you don’t need a prescription!  There’s no assembly required and you don’t need batteries!  It’s environmentally friendly, and best of all, it’s socially contagious!”

Healthy, therapeutic humor enhances relationships, is non-hostile, sympathetic, benevolent, tolerant, and often philosophical.  AATH is careful to distinguish it from hurtful, harmful humor that is more aggressive, critical, sarcastic, cruel, often based on put-downs, and involves laughing at someone else’s expense.

AATH has generated the following list of 10 tips to help you lighten up and rise above the current economic turmoil and stress of the holiday season:

1.  Adjust Your Attitude – Stop watching the news and start counting your blessings instead of your money!  The blessings will increase, while the money is…well, you know!

2.   Make Someone Else Happy – Send unexpected ‘thank you’ or greeting cards to a mix of people.  Start with those who aren’t expecting it but deserve it. Then, send a couple to people who aren’t expecting and don’t deserve it.  Then, pick a couple names at random out of the phone book that certainly aren’t expecting it and have no idea who you are!

3.  Signs of the Times – Have some mirthful signs or sayings handy.  For example:
- The rules have changed… there are none!
- Walking on water is in my job description!
- Apparently, not all clowns are in the circus!
- Never wrestle with a pig – you both get dirty, but the pig likes it!
- You don’t have to be crazy to work here…but it sure helps!
- If we’re closed, just slide the money under the door!
- I’m not weird… I’m gifted!

4.  Try Some Random Acts of Silliness and Kindness – Wear mismatched gloves or socks… on purpose!  Page yourself over the intercom!  If and when a store clerk, restaurant server or flight attendant asks matter-of-factly “How are you today?” try replies such as, “Well medicated – and you?” or “At least I’m vertical!”  Instead of them always thanking you, thank them first and watch their reaction!

5.  Fun with Food – Put a bag of cookies or marshmallows in your briefcase.  Then, start your meeting by asking, “Dessert, anyone?”  Have a marshmallow stacking competition!  Put a pack of bubble gum in your coat pocket and, in the elevator, offer some to everyone!

6.  Pop Goes Your Worries – Save your bubble wrap!  It’s a great stress reliever.  Pop it with your fingers, knees and toes!  Dance on it!  Pop it with the help of young children!  Pop it, in unison, to the beat of music!

7.  Use Your Imagination – Think of what would happen if certain companies merged.  For example: Fairchild Semiconductor and Honeywell Corporation would become Fairwell Honeychild.  Grey Poupon and Docker Pants would become Poupon Pants.  If FedEx joined UPS, they might become FedUP.

8.  Rename to Keep Sane – Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.  Broker: What I am today, after taking the advice of my financial planner.  P/E Ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

9.  Exaggerate – Comedians overstate things to get a laugh.  You can too!  Our family is so poor these days… we took out a second mortgage on our cardboard box.  Our family is so poor these days… to save on milk, we eat our corn flakes with a fork.  Our family is so poor these days… when someone rings the doorbell, I stick my head out the window and yell, “Ding-Dong.”

10.  Let a Smile Be Your Umbrella – This simple choice is yours.  You can frown and be miserable (way too many people readily choose this option), or you can wear a contagious smile.  In your conversations with people, smile and ask to see their smile.  Then say, “I see you’ve been practicing!”

For more information contact AATH and/or Karyn Buxman at 858-456-1874.

On Tour at Cancer Treatment Centers of America

I absolutely love being self-employed. I’ve been my own boss for almost twenty years now. But if I were ever going to punch a clock for someone else ever again, I think I found where I would want to work: Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I had the opportunity to visit their facility outside of Chicago last week—they knocked my socks off!

When you arrive at CTCA you are greeted by a couple of valet attendants, who for no fee (won’t even accept a tip) park your car for you and escort you inside. When you enter, immediately you begin to feel the warm energy emanating from this place. On the wall to your left, a brass tree with leaves baring the names of patients who have celebrated at least 5 years of life since arriving. You then pass a large aquarium with beautiful fish on your left and a beautiful atrium with plants and soothing music to your right. A friendly person at the reception desk greets you and quickly determines how to best suit your needs.

The hospital looks more like a hotel (The Ritz, not the Super8), with heavy wooden doors and molding on all the wings, attractive carpeting beneath your feet and beautiful artwork and heartwarming pictures in all the hallways. Rarely will you hear an overhead page (“It disturbs the sleep of our patients,” I was told.)

CTCA boasts the finest state of the art equipment, but what really makes them special isn’t the high tech—it’s the high touch. The founder, Richard Stevenson, created CTCA based upon what he calls the Mother Standard® of care. In the 1980s his beloved mother developed bladder cancer and he searched across the country for someplace that would give her the care he felt she deserved. Finding none, he determined that he would create a place, himself. Each person would be treated with the same unconditional support, warmth and respect that one would want for their own loved one, because everyone is someone’s mother, father, sister, brother, daughter or son.

Katherine Puckett, PhD and Director of Mind Body Medicine at CTCA is one of the most down-to-earth folks I’ve ever met. She told me of a time when she was seeing a patient in her office. Katherine apologized for the piles of reports and files that lay on her desk. The patient smiled and said that he found her office comforting, then explained, “It’s evident that you place people before paperwork.” That’s the mindset in this place—how comforting!

CTCA offers a comprehensive and integrative approach to fighting cancer. Traditional tools for fighting cancer such as surgery, radiation, chemotherapy and immunotherapy are combined with complementary therapies including nutritional support, physical therapy, pain management, naturopathic medicine, spiritual support and mind-body medicine. This enables patients to better tolerate the treatments which can kill the cancer, but can also be devastating to their physical and mental health.

One of the approaches used in the Mind-Body Department is humor and laughter. Dr. Puckett and several other staff members took training several years ago to become Certified Laughter Leaders (CLLs). Since then, numerous other staff have been trained and now laughter therapy, or Laughter Clubs are offered regularly for patients and their families. Participants come away feeling healthier, happier and more energized.

Kudos to the folks at CTCA. They get it. The patient is the focus of all that is said and done. Like I said, I’m not really looking for a job, but if I were, I hope I could make the cut. It would be a real privilege to work among such great people.

Stress-Less Holidays! Tips to Survive and Thrive This Holiday Season

“Tis the season to be jolly,” but if you’re like a lot of folks this year, “Bah Humbug” may be a more fitting description of how you’re feeling. Stress is a surefire way put a damper on your holiday spirit. Stress doesn’t result just from bad things happening in your life. It’s a cumulative effect of all events—both good and bad. Here are 14 tips to help you decrease the hassle and increase the humor so you can survive and thrive this holiday season!

Do you really need to send all those holiday cards?  Be honest.  Many folks on your list are too busy to read your card and won’t remember a week later if you sent one or not.  Clean out your holiday database by at least 25%.

The holiday police will not arrest you for not having all your decorations up.  Remember less can be more.  If you spend less time putting decorations up you’ll have more time to sit back and enjoy.

Spending money can be exhilarating.  Paying the credit cards can be devastating.  Try providing gifts of service in addition to the traditional wrapped present.  The price is right, you won’t have to wait in line, and the giver and receiver will both enjoy it more.

Holiday parties tend to descend all at once.  Don’t feel obligated.  Go to those you really want to attend and regret the rest.  Can’t think of a good excuse?  Don’t give one.  If it’s a true friend, she won’t need one and if it’s not a good friend, he’s not going to believe you anyway!

Stuck in traffic?  Take this opportunity to reframe. Take a deep breath and visualize the person honking his horn driving in his underwear.  Imagine the look on his face when he unwraps a sack full of coal and rocks.  At all costs, keep your sense of humor!

Kids realize something that we have forgotten as adults: The power of play.  Don’t take the holidays so seriously that you have no time to sing, dance, play—even jump on your bed!  Make time to play everyday, even if it’s only for 30 minutes.

One of our best tools for stress is simply getting enough sleep.  Don’t fill every minute trying to cram in 101 more things.  Take a powernap so that you feel refreshed and ready to tackle the rest of the day.

Smiles and laughs can diminish muscle tension.  They’re also contagious.  Practice wearing a smile to share with others and notice how their responses make you feel better, too.

Call your own voice mail to leave a humorous message that you can enjoy later. Bonus—you get to laugh twice: Once when you leave the message and again when you play it back.

Keep a file folder at your desk with clippings, cartoons, and e-mails you find entertaining. Pull it out and refer to it when you’re put on hold or when you feel those shoulders tightening.

Keep a book of word games, crossword puzzles, or cards at your desk.  Re-spark your creativity and energy by taking a daily 10 minute ‘play break’ and you’ll recognize how important it is not to wait until you feel better to play.  Play and then you’ll feel better.

Got a problem that’s bugging you?  Practice playing with your pain by asking yourself “How could this be worse?” Exaggerate the situation until you can make it absurd enough to put things in their proper perspective.

Gain maximum benefits by proactively seeking humor every day. Instead of assuming that there’s nothing funny happening in your life, slow down and pay attention. Change your perspective by asking “What (humor) am I missing?”

Try viewing the holiday season from a child’s mind’s eye.  We tend to see holidays in terms of tasks, costs, obligations, etc.  Kids still see the wonder, the magic, the possibilities…  Look at this holiday season from a child’s perspective and recapture the joy!

Ha! 5 Ways Laughter Makes You Healthy

“I died laughing!” my friend told me, recounting her evening at the comedy club the night before. She described how she laughed until her sides ached and mascara ran down her face.

Wow—a pretty scary picture. And yet people don’t really die laughing—quite the opposite. Laughter is one of the healthiest tools we have.

Remember when you were a child and everything was oh-so-funny?  When the silliest of remarks would send you and your friends into gales of laughter?  When did that stop?  What does it take now to make you pause long enough in your busy life to process humor?

Do you laugh much, or have you noticed a distinct lack of laughter in you life lately?  If you are not laughing, you are failing to take advantage of one of the healthiest natural activities available.  So in between all the busy-ness with which your days are filled, take some time to laugh – and you may just find yourself healthier in the process.  Here are five ways that laughter can improve your health.

1. Provides aerobic exercise for your cardiovascular system

You can get exercise from laughing. Don’t believe it? Take your pulse for 15 seconds and multiply by 4. (This will give you your resting heart rate for one minute). Now laugh. It doesn’t matter if it’s a real laugh or a fake laugh. Try laughing for as little as 30 seconds or up to 2 minutes if you’re in good shape. Stop and take your pulse again.

Typically you’ll notice an increase in your pulse, your face will appear more flushed and your breathing will be faster and deeper than before, as well. While it’s not the same as running for a mile, it has its benefits, nonetheless. As a matter of fact, psychoneuroimmunology (mind-body) expert, Dr. William Fry, noted in one of his studies that (in adults over 50) laughing for 2 minutes provided the equivalent aerobic response as 10 minutes on a rowing machine (also known as an expensive sweater hanger for some of us).

The beauty of laughter as exercise is that it can be done without any special equipment, doesn’t require advanced skills or coordination, and can be done any time of the day in just about any setting, as often as desired.

And laughter begets laughter.  Loosening up those laughter muscles will help make laughter a more regular part of your daily life!

2. Decreases muscle tension

Have you ever doubled over laughing? Have you ever laughed so hard that you had to hang onto a desk or a chair to hold you steady? (This may be accompanied by snorting milk out your nose—but that’s another article.) There’s a physiological reason for this.

When we laugh, our skeletal muscles (the ones that help us move) go into a state of tension. Then they relax. We usually feel this in our abdomens, but it’s actually occurring in muscles all over our bodies. And at times, when taken to extremes, this effect can actually become detrimental. Some of you know where this is going… You can laugh so hard that you lose bladder control (a.k.a laughing until you leak!). But this relaxation can be beneficial to the rest of your body—especially if you’re suffering from a tight neck or tight shoulders from a long day at work.

3. Improves your oxygen levels

When you laugh, the contraction of your diaghram forces air out of your lungs. Then when you inhale you pull fresh air and oxygen down deep into your lungs. This “exercising” of your lungs can cause coughing in someone who has a cold, who has a mild respiratory ailment, who is a smoker—or someone who is so stressed that she just hasn’t had a deep breath in a really long time!

Scientists have measured oxygen levels in people before and after laughter and found that arterial blood gas levels have risen significantly. More oxygen in your lungs means more oxygen to your cells throughout your entire body—definitely a health booster.

4. Laughter Energizes!

It’s mid-afternoon and you’re starting to slump. You could grab a $4.00 cup of coffee for a shot of caffeine. Or you could try laughing for a minute or two.

When we laugh, our sympathetic nervous system responds by producing more catecholamines (a hormone), which increases our levels of alertness and memory, as well as enhancing our learning and creativity. Combine this with the benefit of more oxygen (mentioned above) and you’ve got the formula for an energized and productive day.

5. Strengthens your immune system

We’ve known for years that stress can weaken our immune systems. You put too many items on your schedule and realize your throat is getting scratchy. Then the boss adds another project and you develop bronchitis. Your spouse gets a promotion that requires a move and you develop walking pneumonia. If one more person adds one more item to your overloaded plate, you could wind up on a ventilator!

Scientists now have the technology to examine the cells in our body that comprise our immune system. It’s more complicated than we ever imagined, but we can see that when people incorporate humor and laughter into their routines, their bodies’ immune systems respond positively short term (immediately), mid-range (days to weeks) and even long term (weeks to months). This isn’t to say that laughter will cure anything, but it’s a great adjunct to any medical therapy.

Laughter isn’t the be-all end-all, but it’s easy, it’s abundant, and doesn’t cost you anything. It can improve your health, it’s fun and it feels good. With so much to gain, laugh it up!

When Funny Means Money: Sales

I know what some of you left brain logical people are thinking. Humor: It’s cute. It’s entertaining. But it’s just not practical.

Hey, you don’t have to take my word for it. You can ask the people at American Express or Jell-O. These companies understand that while people use logic to justify their buying decisions, emotion is what sells. And one of the quickest connections to emotion is humor.

Whey else would American Express spend millions of dollars to feature Jerry Seinfeld in their ads? (He now also has a $10 million deal from Microsoft!)

Why would Capitol One present David Spade in their commercials?

Why would Jell-O hire Bill Cosby as their spokesperson?

These companies understand that humor fosters connection, and that this connection, in turn, affects people’s buying decisions.

My buddy and Sales Guru, Jeffrey Gitomer, author of The Little Red Book of Selling (and dozens of other books!) says that humor “is the best tool for relationship sales I have found… Laughing is tacit approval.  Make the prospect laugh.”

Funny advertisements have evolved into a genre all their own. Super Bowl commercials draw as much attention as the game due to their humor and creativity. You can now watch commercials strictly for their entertainment factor on sites like TBS and The Video Vault.  Madison Ave research indicates that ads which leave potential customers smiling have lasting positive impacts.

Humor and sales can make for some serious profitability as Bayer Pharmaceuticals can attest. They are the makers of Levitra (an erectile dysfunction medicine). Sales in Hong Kong were limp, so to speak, as this was a touchy subject to address in advertisement.

The company decided to inject some humor with commercials that included balloons (use your imagination). The result, sales rose (among other things) in a three month period a whopping 244% from the year earlier period.

Staples created a cool little product: a button that when pushed announces, “That was easy.” This humorous little gadget is so quirky and fun that people are willing to pay good money to have one of their own and/or to give to someone else. Think about how marvelous this is! A company has found a way to get people to pay for and advertise their marketing device. Ha!

When it comes to sales, funny means money.